I had my first business coaching session with Sharon from SLJ Coaching and Training on Friday. I thought I would share my experience. Before I do…
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The difference between business coaching and mentoring
People often use the words coaching and mentoring interchangeably, but there is a distinct difference between the two.
Business coaching is very focussed and specific. It’s performance and goal orientated with specific time bound actions. The coach and the coachee enter the relationship as equal partners. It’s not the role of a coach to offer advice, opinions, training or to solve your problems.
A coach is essentially a facilitator who asks questions to help the coachee identify goals, options and develop an action plan to assist reaching the specified goals. A coach need not have intimate knowledge of your business sector or your role within it.
Mentoring is often more informal. Mentors are chosen because they have skills or knowledge they can pass on. They’ve been there, seen it, done it, got the tee-shirt and often written the book too! Mentors can help give direction and advice to reach your goals.
My Relationship With SLJ Coaching and Training
I met Sharon several months ago now via a business contact. I immediately connected with her – I think it was the soft Irish accent teamed with no bull attitude. Let’s just say she is respectful and positive but very straight talking. I love that, it’s so refreshing.
Late last year I installed WordPress for her and a couple of weeks ago went to explain the dashboard a bit more. While I was there, I mentioned I was stuck again. Not particularly with my goals, I know what they are and what I should be doing to reach them!
Sharon offered to coach me to help to identify my blocks, look at other opportunities and if necessary redefine my path to my goals. Since Sharon has a wealth of experience in coaching, counselling, training, business and organisation skills, both from her corporate background and running her own business – I almost bit her hand off!
My Coaching Session
The first session was on Friday and we met over coffee. We flew through the coaching agreement. I have trained to be a coach and know the boundaries, roles and my responsibility within the relationship.
The session started predictably with my long term goals, what success means to me and what I wanted to gain shorter term from these sessions. Sharon guided me through my thoughts with her questions, allowing me to talk (and rant a bit) while she took notes.
She often looped back to certain words and phrases I used and probed a bit deeper. I’ll be honest, some of it was very raw. I was grateful for her professional but empathic handling, keeping the session as coaching and not dropping into a counselling or advisory role. Neither of us were there for that. It’s testament to her coaching skills that she recognised when the line started to be crossed and smoothly steered it back without breaking my train of thought or stopping the session.
Sharon asked permission to offer her opinions. She put her words to what I had already said.
I have a fear of success (irrational, but true). I’m playing martyr to my past and hanging on to it (again, true. I wear my past like a comfy cloak – it’s my comfort zone).
I laughed when Sharon said I use “male” language when I speak of strategy, tactics, logic and consulting and yet don’t see myself on the same level as a male consultant. I deny that I am a powerful woman and still hide behind a strong character. Yes, that’s true too…
The biggest kick though was when Sharon pointed out how animated I became when talking about being the toolbox, or facilitator to help small business use the web without all the bull that people get lost in. How alive I became when I talked of the buzz I get when people take a seed from me and go on to succeed with a particular task or project.
I’m paraphrasing but she said something along the lines of – how can you effectively help these people and aid them in success when you deny your worth and knowledge. By holding back your own success, you are preventing the success of others.
I’d never thought of it that way, it was an eye opener!
I came out of the session feeling lighter and refreshed. The act of talking through my concerns and goals without any negative judgement was invigorating. I have a way forward with the more personal stuff I need to sort out.
While some of the issues I need to address fall way outside of the coaching relationship, there’s still plenty to work on that coaching will help with. The background work has been covered, I have my “homework” from this session and can’t wait for my session next week.
A small step for man, a giant leap for Jan…
Since coaching on Friday, it is even more clear to me that I need to get over myself, show my face and just be who I am. I don’t actually have any recent photos where it isn’t obvious I’ve had 1 too many to drink! Not that I drink regularly or that they are particularly embarrassing poses – the glassy eyed look just isn’t me!
Even as I write that, I am shouting at myself to stop making excuses. So deep breath…
Here’s me at my sister’s wedding in August 2012. Yes, I did have 1 glass too many! I’ve scanned it from a calendar of the day sent to me and cropped everyone out, so the quality isn’t wonderful. I really don’t have pictures of me on any media, I have always avoided the camera.
This is the first time in over 20 years I have put a pic of me online. I do plan on taking a photo that is a bit more useable in the coming weeks.
Enough about me. Over to you…
Do you have a coach or mentor? What breakthroughs have you had?
Sharon works with small businesses and youth organisations in the Halton and Merseyside area. You can contact her via her blog (which she will be using more this year!) http://www.sljassociates.co.uk/contact/
My Business Coaching Experience – Creating Clarity, Focus and Showing The Real Me by Jan Kearney
I cannot fully express how I feel about this post – it is a breakthrough, a triumph, a turning point – I feel almost tearful.
I have been through a similar process myself – of course! lol – I think we are very similar in our feelings of our worth, and knowledge and value.
Yet Jan so many people think we are fabulous! I think you are fabulous and you think I am fabulous.
You are a beautiful, intelligent, powerful, Goddess – you cannot continue denying the world the full benefit of your knowledge and experience.
It is time to get out there and show ’em Jan – time to stop hiding – you are beautiful!
I applaud you, I am proud of you, and I support you every step of the way!
Sue
x
Hi Sue – I knew you would “get it”. Thank you so much for your support now and inspiration through my self-emplyed journey. It’s an adventure. And yes YOU ARE Fabulous!
Whooo wooo! You go girl! I’m right there with you!
Working on the “I’m worth it” 🙂
PS- I’m glad to see your smiling face!
Thank you, Denys! You ARE worth it – don’t forget it 🙂
Beautiful insight! And congratulations on your picture – That is a great online debut! 🙂
Greetings from UBC, 🙂
Stella
Hi Stella – thank you for visiting from the UBC – wow it’s a heck of a journey each time I take part!
Hi Jan,
What a revelation your post has been to me! The best thing is that I have connected with what you have said on a very deep level, since it resonates with my own feelings of self-worth, and doubts that I am deserving of success.
I agree with Sue’s comment above – you are bright, intelligent, beautiful, have a wealth of knowledge in what you do. Sharing your insecurities only proves how strong you are. I also believe that it is a start of a big leap forward for you.
Admitting that you need help in order to move forward can be hard, and some people don’t even see it. You are so lucky to have found the right person to work with. But as they say – when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
Also, I am so pleased to finally be able to see your face. You are such a beautiful woman, and I cannot understand why you have been camera-shy for so long. Good to have met you at last Jan, and I am looking forward to reading more posts and seeing more photos of you! 🙂
Warm wishes,
Galina
Hi Galina, you DESERVE every success! I also know that no matter how bold I put that, only you can decide you are.
Your reply brought tears to my eyes. You know, since posting this, especially that last part with a photo – I have been physically ill and avoiding my blog. One part of me – the rational me is yelling, “You’re being rediculous!” The less rational part – my inner nag – is sat there chattering away.
Your comment and the ones above are inspirational and show me I was right to just close my eyes and do it. No one is out to get me or put me down. I’m not alone in this and others feel this way too.
Thank you 🙂
I’m working with a coach and every part of my life is different, and much of t he work is so simple…emotional, but simple. I have had a lot of therapy in the past, but coaching is getting the job done.
Hi Charlotte, it’s great that your coach is making a difference in your life. It’s so motivating and invigorating to be coached isn’t it? Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂
I understand (more than you know) how you felt putting that picture of yourself on display. Disregard what others think or say, it’s how you react that gives them the power they seek.
Just be you… that’s all anybody wants. 🙂
I recently had a session with Craig Desorcy and loved the time we had together. Our discussion revealed what’s held me back for so long – sharing my knowledge and shaking my mojo.
You’ve come a long way baby – just getting that picture up there. That’s probably one of the hardest hurdles you had to overcome. Now that you’ve done it, it’s over… time to do something else.
You have the strength inside Jan. You know it’s there. I’ve been telling you this from the day we met/talked online.
To tell you this journey is going to be an easy one, is a lie I’m not willing to impart such nonsense, but I can readily provide support from a person who is walking down the same path as you’re taking right now.
Time is on your side. Take all that you need to get your head where your heart already is… and know there are friends in the wings to pick you up when you fall… and to help you continue finding the “real you” that’s hidden deep inside. 🙂
Hi Bonnie – yes putting that pic up there was the hardest thing I have ever done. It even beats giving birth to my daughter – a 36+ hour labour, getting dropped and then told she was a boy…
YOU have been an inspiration. When you started those videos, wow that was a kick lol
Thanks for your encouragement and support 🙂
What a FABULOUS post and I learned some stuff even second hand from your coaching session. I am considering going down the same road myself, and can’t decide between mentor or coach (thanks for your definitions) or even quite where to start. So it’s inspiring that you’ve taken that leap – good luck with the rest of it and do keep us up to date!
Your picture looks lovely by the way 🙂
Hi Ginny, If you don’t know where to start or what you want your goals to be, a coach is probably better at first. They can help you focus on what you want – a coach won’t make your decisions but will listen and prompt as you sort your thoughts out!
Thanks for your lovely words too, I really appreciate it 🙂